Navigating this Difficult Time with Your Partner
Written by Carryn Lund, LMSW
Resources compiled by all collaborators at Grove
No doubt, it’s a strain on most relationships to be navigating this time pandemic together.
We are living through a pandemic, economic crisis, and civil unrest. This is difficult for us as individuals and is, of course, hard to manage as partners. Plus, most of us are spending more time than ever with our partners while navigating this unprecedented time. It’s difficult.
Although you’ve been managing (or at least trying to manage) all of this for a while now, it doesn’t necessarily mean it has gotten easier. That’s okay. It’s never too early, and never too late, to take a step back and reflect on what might be more helpful. Small shifts can yield meaningful results. We’ve compiled some resources here for focusing in on the health of your relationship.
You might start by reading this blog post that compiles 11 Tips for Couples in Quarantine from Marriage and Family Therapists.
While under emotional strain together, it is important to remember that crisis also presents an opportunity for connection and growth. A marriage and family therapist writes here about connecting during crisis and offers suggestions for how to begin this process. You might also find some growth in your relationship by talking openly about topics of racism and anti-racism. Perhaps you and your partner can decide to read a book or article together, discuss a documentary, or grow together by figuring out how to start tough conversations with kids or other family members.
Esther Perel has just started the fourth season of her podcast on relationships, Where Should We Begin. She did a few episodes on couples under lockdown, which affirms the experiences various people are having being at home so much with their partner(s). Her podcast, overall explores a variety of topics that come up in relationships. We also like The Gottman Institute’s podcast Small Things Daily - it is full of practical, small tips.
While overwhelmed with the stress of the pandemic or current events, you might find yourself with less time, energy, and attention for your partner. The common advice of carving out intentional time with your partner is common for a reason - it’s critical. Find even small amounts of time to commit to one another and your relationship, maybe even away from a screen! The Gottman Institute has a Marriage Minute newsletter, which offers ways to strengthen your relationship in 60 seconds or less. If you can carve out a bit more time, check out this list of 36 questions (which was trending for awhile, suggesting that it can help people fall in love because of how it promotes emotional intimacy). And there are many dates you can try at home!
Having fewer plans outside of the home might also mean there’s an opportunity to focus in on sex and sexual health, alone and/or with a partner. Esther Perel wrote a blog post on Why Eroticism Should be Part of Your Self-Care Plan. You could also take some time to check out the website Pleasure Mechanics, which has resources for exploring sexual pleasure.
Above all, know that it is normal for periods of strain to happen in relationships. Yet, sometimes what we are experiencing as strain or conflict in our relationship can feel beyond what we can repair on our own. If you could use some support, seek therapy. Michelle and Barack Obama have been champions of marriage counseling, speaking to how useful it can be. Here at Grove, we have a marriage and family therapist (Lisa Ufer, PhD, LMFT) and a sex therapist (Margaret Levasseur, LMSW, CCTP).
Remember that so much of our well-being is about how we respond to difficulty. Relationships have the opportunity to create so much meaning in our lives, and we hope that some of these resources are useful for you. May you be well.